11/10/2011

Arrest me!

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On Saturday the 8th of October, I flung myself in and grasped with shaky hands a variety of new experiences:

1. My first hen do.
2. My first penis straw.
3. Making my first cocktail.
4. My first cock fight.
5. My first time at a strip club.
6. My first time as a tourist attraction.

What a day.

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It started off at noon, at the pub. Would have been a quiet drink amongst friends, if it hadn’t been for the fact that we were all dressed up in slutty Cops & Robbers outfits. (Oh, don’t worry – throughout the whole event we got slimeballs coming up to us with such beauties as “are you a REAL policewoman?” and – perhaps my favourite – “Please arrest me!”)

Now, as proven from the beginning of this post – I am not an experienced hen-do-goer (read that again.) But I am willing to bet with a large amount of money that Becca was the best hen ever! Not only did she demand as many fake (and – unknowingly to her – some real) penises as possible, but she was up for everything with a dirty giggle and an enthusiastic wiggle of her tutu. I have never seen anyone jump out of a chair so fast as when she did when one of the strippers asked for a volunteer!

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But I’m getting ahead of myself. First hen do? Tick. And on the minibus up to London we got handed a huge bag of goodies each, which leads to… First penis straw – tick. Which was a lot harder to suck out of than you would think! (I chortled to myself whilst typing that sentence.) We all proceeded to get drunk, as we were given Alcopops, shots, and wine… When we arrived at Vodka Revolutions we were smashed and ready for our lesson in cocktails. We made all kinds – cosmopolitan, mojito’s, iced tea etc. And got to try them all!

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The barman would teach us how to make them and Becca would choose two people who had to compete against each other to make the drinks correctly – and fast. The loser would have to take a chilli shot (one girl, Lisa, probably still hasn’t recovered from that fateful shot. She said it was revolting and made her feel incredibly sick). I was given the task of making the mojito. I personally don’t like that cocktail, but it’s my sister’s favourite and she said it was brilliant. I actually lost the race but because it tasted the best I didn’t have to take the shot! WIN!

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When we moved on to a pub right outside Liverpool Street it was on to games… the point of which was to make us more rowdy and more drunk. Which it achieved impeccably.. Which brings me onto my first cock fight:

Two girls.
Two giant inflatable penises.
Two belts with Velcro pads.
One fight.
Put your hands behind your backs, girls… and knock those cocks off!
It was so funny, and attracted an audience of pervy young men (embarrassingly – for him - one did moonie us.)

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Next, the strip club. And oh, what show. I have never been so shocked, and so aching from laughter in my life. And as mentioned previously, Becca made the whole night completely epic. Taunting the drag queen with her truncheon, accosting the strippers to the point where even they were giggling at her. She was the best hen in the whole audience, and made me laugh so much!

After a long day (12pm – 12am!) of non-stop drinking, me and Brooke made our way home on the tube. Where we became… tourist attractions! Everyone wanted a photo of us. We posed, smiled, and got on a sweaty tube in our police outfits… Let’s just hope those tourists didn’t think we were actual police women! Because our drunken slurring summary of the night’s antics would not have represented the Force brilliantly…

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1 comment:

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."
- Oscar Wilde.